The doctor-patient relationship: A relationship of trust between two fellow human beings

The experiences I have related emphasize the crucial importance of the doctor-patient relationship. This applies also to nurses and all other health-care-givers, including family members, who take on the role of caring for a sick patient.

While it is vitally important that we offer all that we can to the patient based on our respective training and specialties, it is actually the relationship of trust between two fellow human beings - the care-provider and the patient - that enables the patient to, in the words of Dr Norman Cousins quoted earlier, "mobilize all the natural resources of body and mind to combat disease".

Let me share some lessons that I have been privileged to learn from a recent experience of mine.

M is a patient I saw during my recent sabbatical in Japan. She is 25 years old and lives some 2 to 3 hours away by car from the Tokyo hospital where I was working. She has suffered from depression since childhood. As a result she has become increasingly withdrawn socially.

She had a follow-up on 27 Feb this year. That day, it snowed for the first time in Tokyo this year. She did not turn up, so instead, I saw the father who had come alone. I had not met M before and it was also the first time I was meeting the father together with a colleague who was a psychiatrist.

The father brought depressing news. M was getting worse and had written a suicidal note. Not being a psychiatrist myself, I could only sit and listen in silence as my psychiatric colleague desperately went all out to counsel the father. Putting aside my own professional inadequacies, I felt that as one human being reaching out to another, I had to do something concrete. All that I could think of at that time was to write a short note to M myself.

It consisted of only four sentences and went as follows,

"Dear Ms. M,

There is something higher that the sky.

That is your life.

Please treasure your life.

I wish you a bright future.

Chris Boey from Malaysia"

This was translated by my colleague into Japanese and handed to the father. The father was quite delighted as the relationship between him and his daughter had become increasingly tense of late, and it was not possible for him to communicate directly with her. However, bringing a message from another person was something else and he looked forward to doing so.

My message had a strong effect on the patient, more than I could imagine. She wrote back as follows,

"Dear Dr Chris,

Thank you very much for your wonderful letter. I must say that I was taken surprise, but was extremely happy. I was refreshed.

Today, I had been feeling low-spirited and had been sleeping most of the day. When I saw the message in your letter, my eyes moistened and I started to cry. You see, I had been feeling particularly depressed lately and thinking that I would like die as soon as possible. So, when I read your message that there was something higher that the sky and that was my life, tears started to flow from my eyes though I could not explain why. I felt very happy, as though something bright had entered my heart. I truly and truly thank you very much.

If ever our paths should cross, I really wish to meet you."

I was profoundly moved myself by her response. A week later, I decided to travel to where the family lived to do a home-visit and follow-up. It was a beautiful rural are where the family lived with snow-capped mountains even in the spring month of March. When I was there, I was pleased to find the patient herself in good spirits.

The patient kept asking me what the father had told me about her when he came alone to the clinic in February. Did he say anything bad about her? I could immediately sense the tension between father and daughter, and emphatically told the patient that I was moved by the father traveling all the way to Tokyo on his own in the snow for the sole reason that he was concerned about her.

I emphasized over and over again, "Your father was really worried about you. He did not say anything bad about you. He traveled so far in the snow just for you. he only expressed concern about you." At this point, both father and daughter broke into tears and I could see that icy relationship between them had started to thaw. It was a most moving and rewarding encounter for both the family and for me.

I did what any human being could have done and it did not require any specialist knowledge or training. I have learnt a lot from this experience that I wish to share particularly with younger doctors and medical students. We may become professionals, doctors, specialists and, some of us, even sub specialists, but we must never forget that in the doctor-patient relationship, we are, first and foremost, a human being responding to another human being. There are times when the value created may not be directly related to the university training and post-graduate qualifications that we have received.

________________________________________________

I think this is not only imply to doctors or any specialist. I think this is for all human beings. Encounter, is the start of a relationship of trust between two fellow human beings. Any encounter is important and it will make a strong impact one and the other life.

Prof. Boey also quoted a poem of Dr. Daisaku Ikeda, which I think this is also good to share to our young friends.

There is something vaster

than the wide open sky ---

and that is, my life

There is something deeper

than the fathomless sea ---

and that is, your life.

There is something more precious

than all the treasures of the universe ---

and that is, our lives.

5 DON'TS when you are sleeping zZZ~

1 DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity.
Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time,
it might have adverse effects on your health.

2 DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer.
So go to bed without it.

3 DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged.
Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks,
but please put the phone as far as possible.
Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used.
These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system.
Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you,
switch it off first.

4 DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP
People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run.
Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring.
You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.


Lastly.....

5 DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE / HUSBAND

You may never wake up again.

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